Lesson of the Day

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

Lesson of the Day

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.


Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson of the Day

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson of the Day

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
lunch.'


Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say..

Lesson of the Day

Lesson 2:


A priest offered a Nun a lift..

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson of the Day

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'


After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.


The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'


Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Today's Joke - Pissing On The IRS

An old guy shows up at the local IRS office for an audit.  The IRS agent calls him into the office and isn't surprised to see he's got his attorney with him.

 

"Well Mr. Jones," he says, "I've summoned you because we've noted your lifestyle seems to exceed your reported income.  How is that?"

 

"That's easy," the old guy says, "I'm a very successful gambler." 

 

"I'm not sure that explains it at all Mr. Jones.  Just what type gambling do you do?"

 

"Well," he says, "I'll bet you $1000 right now that I can bite my eye."

 

The IRS agent smiles, decides Mr. Jones is bluffing and says, "Alright Mr. Jones, let's see you try and make that happened."

 

The old guy removes his glass eye and clamps down on it with his teeth.  The IRS agent's mouth falls open and he looks up to see Mr. Jones attorney nodding.  Before he can recover Mr. Jones says, "I'll give you a chance to get even.  Bet you double or nothing I can bit my other eye."

 

Well, the IRS agent knows Mr. Jones walked into the office on his own and isn't blind so he quickly says, "You're on."

 

Mr. Jones then takes out his false teeth and clamps them down on his other eye.  The IRS agent's mouth falls open again as he watches the attorney's widen smile and nodding head. 

 

"Okay, that was easy," says Mr. Jones.  "How about something really tough?  I'll bet you $6000 that I can stand on one side of your desk and piss into that waste basket on the other side without getting a drop on the top of your desk."

 

The IRS agent realizing he's $2000 down looks at the attorney who now has his head in his hands, looking down and is shaking his head back and forth.  The agent sees that as an indication there's no way this can happen and quickly says, "I'll take that bet."

 

Jones goes to the end of the desk, unzips and tries as he can, but only sends a stream to the middle.

 

"Aha," the IRS agent says gleefully, "You didn't get it done and you owe me $6000.  Isn't that correct Mr. Attorney?" 

 

The attorney looks up sorrowfully at the agent and says, "Yeah, but he bet me $25,000 before we walked in that he could piss all over your desk and you'd be happy about it!!!!"